I Think I’m in a Situationship… with My To-Do List

It’s not love. It’s not hate. It’s… complicated.

Some days I ghost it completely. Other days, I give it all my attention, affection, and energy—and in return, it multiplies. It demands more. It acts like I didn’t already do five things before 9 AM. It’s the gaslighting for me.

I’m not saying my to-do list is toxic. I’m just saying it has big “I need space but also why didn’t you text me back” energy.

Let’s be honest:
This list? It doesn’t care about my mental health.
It doesn’t give credit for the emotional labor of being alive.
It doesn’t count “I made it through the day without sobbing in a Target parking lot” as an achievement. Which is wild. Because I do.

Instead, it just sits there. All smug and checkboxy.

“Send email.”
“Make doctor’s appointment.”
“Save the world, preferably before noon.”

Okay... calm down, Notes app!

It’s a Situationship Because…

Image Credit: Midjourney AI

• There are no boundaries.
  It shows up first thing in the morning. It follows me to the shower. It whispers to me while I’m trying to fall asleep. And I LET IT.

• It gives nothing back.
  I check one thing off, it adds three more. It’s giving self-replicating chaos machine with delusions of grandeur.

• It thrives on guilt.
  It knows I’ll never get to everything. That’s part of the design. It survives on the hope that maybe tomorrow, I’ll be a different person. A “has-it-together” person. Spoiler: she doesn’t exist.

The Red Flags:

• “Write blog post” has been on it for 4 days.
  I’ve written it in my head 9 times. That counts for something.

• “Laundry” never goes away. I finish it, and somehow it resets like it’s on a loop.
  Like laundry is a game quest I didn’t consent to playing.

• “Follow up with _____” is just a reminder that I’ve ghosted people professionally and personally, and now I’m living in fear of responding.

And Yet… I Can’t Quit It, Because when I finish something? When I check that little box? That tiny serotonin burst hits like a forbidden romance.

There’s a thrill. A moment of clarity. A spark of “Maybe I am that girl.” It never lasts. But oh, when it hits.

I get into this hot streak where I’m adding things I already did just so I can check them off.

“Inbox gold. No junk, just GBRLIFE.

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“Wake up.” ✔️
“Drink coffee.” ✔️
“Think about being productive.” ✔️
“Postpone everything until 2:47pm and then power through with a shame-fueled sprint.” ✔️✔️✔️

Honestly? That’s intimacy. I’m Not Alone, Right?

This isn’t just me. Everyone I know is either:

1. Avoiding their to-do list like it’s a toxic ex

2. Obsessively re-writing it with better fonts and cuter stationery

3. Just staring at it while scrolling TikTok for 42 minutes

Some of us do all three before 10am.

My to-do list isn’t a tool. It’s a relationship. A long-term, emotionally manipulative, guilt-ridden relationship I’m not strong enough to walk away from.

And maybe that’s okay. Maybe I don’t need to quit it. Maybe I just need better boundaries. Like, “No adding emotional labor to the list on a Tuesday.”

Or maybe I just need to write “Rest” on it. And check it off. And then… go take a nap.

Also…I’m crossing this Blog post of the list. 😉

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