My Kid Isn’t Perfect and Neither Am I… And That’s the Point
There is a quiet pressure in parenting that almost no one admits to but most of us feel. The pressure to prove to the world that we are raising perfect children. That our kids are polite, calm, academically advanced, emotionally mature, and well-behaved in every possible situation. If they fall short, the judgment begins. Parents get blamed when their child has a meltdown in the grocery store. They get blamed when their child forgets their homework or argues with a sibling in public. The message is clear: if your kid is not perfect, you must not be a good parent.
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For years, I felt that weight. I worried that every mistake my kids made reflected badly on me. If my child had a tantrum, I felt like everyone thought I was too lenient. If my child got in trouble at school, I felt like people assumed I didn’t care enough. It was exhausting trying to meet an impossible standard. But then I started asking myself a more important question: why do we expect perfection from children when even adults fail every single day?
Adults slam doors when they are angry. Adults pout when they don’t get what they want. Adults raise their voices, forget their responsibilities, and make choices that are not always the smartest. If grown people with fully developed brains and decades of experience cannot behave perfectly all the time, how can we expect children to? The truth is that kids are learning how to be human. Every outburst, mistake, and argument is part of that process.
My kids are not perfect, and I never want them to feel like they have to be. They are loud. They are messy. They push back when they feel something is unfair. They can be stubborn in ways that drive me crazy, but I also know that stubborn streak will serve them well later in life when they need to stand their ground. They spill juice. They forget to feed the dog. They sometimes talk back or argue when they are frustrated. These are not flaws to be erased. These are the marks of growing, changing, and learning.
And if I am being honest, I am not perfect either. I have lost my patience more times than I can count. I have yelled when I should have taken a deep breath. I have given in when I should have held the line. I have forgotten to sign school forms and missed important details while juggling too many things at once. There are days when exhaustion gets the better of me, and I say things I regret. But I show up again the next day. I try again. And that is what matters.
That is also what I want my kids to see. Not a mother who has it all together, but a mother who is human. Someone who apologizes when she is wrong. Someone who admits mistakes instead of pretending to be perfect. Someone who forgives herself and keeps moving forward. Because that is the reality of life. We all fall short. We all mess up. And we all have to decide how to respond afterward.
If I raised my kids to think perfection is the goal, I would only teach them to feel shame every time they fell short. I do not want that for them. I want them to know that they can fail and still be loved. That they can stumble and still be worthy. That their value is not tied to grades, achievements, or behavior, but to the fact that they are human beings who are loved unconditionally.
The irony is that parents who spend their lives trying to raise “perfect kids” often raise children who feel like they can never measure up. The bar is always moving, and the expectations are always higher. That constant pressure can crush confidence and take away joy. I want the opposite for my kids. I want them to feel safe enough to try, even if they get it wrong. I want them to know that mistakes are part of the journey. I want them to grow into adults who can take responsibility, laugh at themselves, forgive themselves, and move forward without fear.
Parenting is not about perfection. It is about connection. It is about showing up in the chaos and the calm. It is about teaching children how to navigate disappointment, how to handle frustration, and how to give and receive grace. It is about love that does not disappear when rules are broken or tempers flare.
So no, my kid is not perfect. They will continue to argue, forget things, and test limits. They will fall and get back up. They will make choices that frustrate me, but they will also surprise me with kindness and creativity. And no, I am not perfect either. I will continue to make mistakes, but I will keep learning and keep showing up.
Perfection is not the goal in my house. Growth is. Love is. And that will always be more than enough.
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